If you dream of sex with someone, it’s not necessarily a sign that you want to jump their bones IRL. Rather, the person may symbolize qualities that you admire.
For example, dreaming about your boss could suggest that you envy their success. In addition, fantasizing about a celebrity could reflect feelings of lust or admiration for that person’s physical beauty.
1. Set the Scene
In order to experience lucid sex in your dream, you first have to get ready. Put on some sexy music, read or watch some x-rated stuff before bed, and then slip between clean sheets with a view of your body (or a sexy fantasy). This will set the stage for sexual arousal in your dreams.
Whether your sex dreams involve your bestie, your mail carrier, your boss or Ashton Kutcher, they’re an invaluable tool for navigating your emotions and identifying what you really want in life. According to sex therapist Janet Brito, sex in your dreams is just an outer manifestation of your inner desires. Decoding them can be tricky, though. “Sex dreams reveal what is invisible to you, offer commentary about how you’re living your life and give you symbolic images to explore with curiosity,” she explains.
For example, if you’re dreaming about a friend and they turn out to be your sex partner in the dream, it’s not necessarily because you’re attracted to them in real life, but rather that you want more intimacy with this person. Alternatively, the dream may be symbolic of your desire to try something new in your relationship—from BDSM to toys.
As for dreams where you’re giving or receiving oral sex, Brito notes that “it often means we’ve received either direct or covert messages that sexual contact with the mouth is disgusting or inappropriate but we secretly desire it.” In this case, she suggests having an open conversation about your feelings with the person in question and seeing if there’s a way to work through these issues together.
2. Relax
Whether you’re trying to sleep or focus on a task, you need to be as relaxed as possible. You can’t climax in your dream if you’re stressed or worried. You can lower your stress levels by meditating, listening to soothing sounds or doing some high-quality binaural beats. You can also try doing a sex exercise routine before bed. These workouts work the muscle groups that you would use during sex, and again, this primes your brain for erotic dreams.
You can also stimulate your imagination while you’re awake by reading or listening to erotic material. You can get a great start on this by downloading a sexy audio book, such as the bedtime stories on Dipsea or the ‘Dream Lover’ app. If you have a good imagination, you can also try a sexually explicit novel or even the Kama Sutra or ‘Thy Neighbor’s Wife’.
You can also try sleeping on your stomach to see if this increases the chances of having R-rated dreams. It’s not a foolproof strategy, and it may be difficult for some people to do, but it might help. It’s also a good idea to keep a dream journal, so that you can write down what happened the moment you wake up. This will help you remember your dreams, and it might give you some insight into the possible meanings of them.
3. Visualise
As you relax before sleep, focus on visualising your ideal sex dream. The more detailed you can make this image, the better. Expecting that a sexy partner will appear in your dream and want to have sex with you is important, too. What’s more, this expectation will increase the likelihood that your dream will be lucid.
You can use imagery from real life, or you can teleport yourself to any place you can imagine. The key is to remember all the little details, from their scent and voice to their texture. If you can, it’s also helpful to remember the last time you had a satisfying sex dream, which will help you trigger that feeling of pleasure.
Ultimately, you’ll need to practice this technique regularly before you can expect to have steamy sex dreams on demand. But don’t give up if you don’t immediately see results – it takes time to train your subconscious mind. You may also find that some nights you simply don’t have the energy for a sexy dream, even though you’ve done everything right. If this happens, try reading a sensual book before bed instead. A great option is ‘Kama Sutra: The Way of Sex’ or an erotic novel, which will stimulate your senses and help you fall asleep more easily.
4. Rehearse
It’s unlikely that you will have a sexy dream the first time you try (although it might happen, and it is awesome when it does). The key is to keep trying. Visualise the erotic dream you want and practice it before you go to bed each night. Keeping a dream journal is also helpful, as you can record your dreams and analyze the themes.
Research has shown that if you play out your fantasies in your waking life, it will increase the likelihood of having sexual dreams. This is because your dreams tend to reflect what you are currently experiencing in your real life, and this includes your sex life. So, if you are wanting to have more sexy and sensual dreams, it might be worth dressing in some sexy lingerie or putting on a little racy music while you are doing your chores.
Dreams are an incredibly powerful and creative part of our lives, and learning how to have erotic dreams can be a really fun and fulfilling way to spend your free time. But be sure to always prioritize consent and safety in your explorations, both in waking life and in your dreams.