Anal sex is the penetration of the anus by a penis or anal dildo or a toy. It can be deeply penetrative or non-penetrative, and it can involve either partner.
Just like your vagina, the anus needs preparation before you can go all-out with penetration. Rushing anal play can literally hurt your ass.
1. Use lube
Your anus does not self-lubricate like the vagina, so plenty of lube is essential. Invest in a good anal-specific lube to prevent friction that can cause irritation. Consider a water-based lube that’s condom and toy compatible, as oil-based lubes can deteriorate latex.
Try a few minutes of foreplay before attempting penetration to get both you and your partner relaxed. You can also use different anal sex positions, like receiving-partner-on-top or missionary, which allow both partners to control penetration and encourage communication and relaxation.
Remember, anal training is all about scaling up gradually. If you’re uncomfortable or in pain, it’s time to stop! As you increase size, be sure to continue practicing the deep breathing technique to relax your external sphincter muscles. Also, be sure to reapply lube often and listen to your body’s cues.
2. Breathe
As with any sexual activity, it’s best to feel fully relaxed to have an enjoyable anal experience. Tense muscles can make penetration uncomfortable and even painful, which will only detract from the pleasure.
One way to relax anal muscles is through breathing techniques. Taking deep breaths helps calm the mind and body, which allows anal muscles to relax and expand more easily.
Another way to warm up the anus is through stretching exercises. Yoga routines that involve widening the hips and legs—like bending at the knee and sitting on all fours—will help stretch out anal muscles to increase their flexibility.
Some people also like to clean their anus before penetration. This may include wiping it down with a lubricant and/or having a bowel movement to remove any poop that might be there.
3. Warm up your hole
Having anal sex requires a little more planning and preparation than penis-in-vagina sex. For starters, you and your partner should communicate openly about anal play – including expectations, requests, and boundaries.
Once you’re lubed up and turned on, you can start by gently touching your anal with fingers or a small toy (anal foreplay). Gradually increase the size of the object as your body gets used to the feeling and avoid rushing things as this could lead to injury or discomfort. Size up in increments of about 1 inch – although as with everything, listen to your body if you need to take it a step further! Anal penetration is not for the faint of heart. You’ll need a strong core to support your pelvis and anal muscles as you thrust.
4. Get turned on through touch without penetration
The anal canal is far enough in that only a finger or sex toy can reach it, so it requires a lot of patience and practice (plus lube). If you want to try anal play with a partner, make sure to practice basic training together. This includes introducing lube and fingering as well as learning to listen to your body and stop when it doesn’t feel good or right.
Eventually, both partners will be able to massage the anal area with their fingers or sex toys, and even thrust each other if that’s part of your sexual fantasy. But remember that anal penetration can be uncomfortable and painful if it’s not done properly. So take it slow and start by easing a lubricated finger in, then size up gradually to a plug or whatever you’re training for.
5. Use a barrier
Your sphincter muscles need regular workouts to stay strong, and anal play can be a great way to keep it up. A couple can play anal together, or one person can be the penetrative partner and the other can use their fingers or sex toys (often called “rimming”).
Make sure to have lube handy (and plenty of it) and to lay down a towel or dark blanket for easy clean-up. It’s important to communicate with your partner, whether you’re top or bottom, and pay attention to verbal and physical cues to let them know when things are uncomfortable or painful. Condom use is also highly recommended to help prevent STIs and STDs like HIV, chlamydia and herpes. Also, if you’ve taken a break from anal play, it’s important to start small again and build up over time.
6. Start small
Whether you are the bottom or the penetrative partner, it’s important to start small and be patient during anal training. The outer anal sphincter can be tight, and the anus doesn’t self-lubricate like your vagina, so it needs lots of help to stretch and become comfortable with penetration.
It may be helpful to practice alone, using anal-safe toys with flared bases (like anal beads, vibrators or dildos). Or you and your partner can try anal play in the spooning position. This can help reduce pressure and allow both partners to adjust speed, depth and intensity to their comfort level.
Foreplay, including mutual masturbation, can also help relax muscles and prepare the anus for insertion. Make sure to use plenty of lube and reapply as needed.
7. Be patient
Like any great athlete, it takes time, practice and patience to get to an elite level of performance. Putting in the time and using anal training will help you achieve more pleasurable anal sex, but always listen to your body. If you have pain or feel you have gone too far then stop and try again later. Also be sure to monitor #2s, any blood in your stools can indicate anal injury and you should make an appointment with a doctor if this occurs.
Anal sex is more than just penile anal penetration, it can include teasing with fingers, anal dildos, anal vibrators and anal play between partners. Foreplay is a must for anal play and you can even try foreplay with your partner’s tongue (anal kissing). Just remember to start small.